Huh??? I thought it was What Meegan Makes. Not today. I am getting personal here on the blog. The question for today is: What Makes Meegan?
For my focus word of the year I chose “Reach”. I think about that word almost on a daily basis. Today, I am going to reach out by telling you a few personal things about me.
For me, as a person first and foremost I am a daughter of God. I know this. And, have always known it since I was a small child. Next, I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and grandma.
I have a beautiful life. I am very blessed. Does that mean I go without struggles or trials? Absolutely not. But, I have grown from them. It has been hard at times to actually Reach. But, if I do, I am happy in the end. So what am I referring to?
When I was 30 yrs old, I had 6 beautiful children. Each unique and wonderful. I lived in a brand new home, built by Hubby and a few friends. He had a great job and I was able to be a stay at home mom. I loved decorating our home, caring for our children, making meals, attending PTA meetings, soccer games, and having peace in my life.
When suddenly in a flash all of that changed. I was at a Cub Scout Pack Mtg. The meeting was over and I was chatting with a friend. I was holding our 10 month old baby in my arms. All of the sudden my vision became very dark. The room was closing in on me. My body began to jerk uncontrollably. I told me friend, “Get Hubby, NOW!” As I slowly slipped unconscious, someone grabbed the baby and all of our children together. Hubby helped me as I gradually slipped unconscious and fell to the floor. I was taken to the emergency room. It was there I was told I had a gran mal seizure. What??? NO!! Not me!! I was strong, healthy and had my whole life ahead of me.
From that moment on, I was a changed person. I was different. My thought process changed. My outlook changed. I was slower to react. I was not able to care for our children. I was on medications that gave me hives all over my body and made me sleep all day and night. I had salivary gland infections. I was NOT Meegan anymore.
The question is: What Makes Meegan? What did this make me? Venerable, weak, scared, unsure, and insecure. What if I had a seizure again? What if I had one in front of our kids? What if there wasn’t a medication that could help me without severe side affects?
Let me tell you that I did have seizures again. Yes, even in front of my children and out in public. Yes, there is a medication that helps my body. Yes, my medication does have side affects. Are they worth the price? Yes. To be able to live a half way normal, full life. I would say the side affects ARE worth it.
Did I ever think I would get through that time? No, I never thought I would. Did I think I would die? Yes, I thought about that everyday in the beginning. Am I a different person? Yes, absolutely. Do I miss that person I was before? Yes, I do. I mourn for her and my loss. Do I still long to be that person? Yes, I still try to be THAT Meegan, but she really doesn’t exist the way she used to. Do I think about or worry about having a seizure everyday? Yes, I do. I am more aware of my body and pay close attention to how I feel physically, everyday. Do I still struggle? Yes, I do. BUT, It is much less than in the beginning. Now, when I have a siezure, I am disappointed and try to reflect on why this happened. But, I pick myself up and keep going.
You see, when my life changed so drastically, so fast I mourned the person I HAD been. The mom I was, the wife, daughter, and sister I was. I mourned the lost days with my family. I still mourn the things I can’t remember. It is a process. It is the process of life for me.
BUT, like I said in the beginning. I have a beautiful life, a wonderful Hubby that has stood by me, amazing children, that are sensitive and caring. Yes, even though life through me a curve ball, I decided to hit the ball out of the park and make the best of what I DO have! It has taken me time. A long time. But, I am grateful and thankful for my life.
And that is ONE of the many facets of What Makes Meegan.
Thanks for joining me today. I hope you have gotten to know me a little bit better. I will continue to share more about me a my life story as the weeks and days go by. It’s my way to Reach you.
Make it a wonderful day!